Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
