I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
