Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
