He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
