I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
