Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
