He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
