We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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