I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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