I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
