1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
