he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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