dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
