i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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