I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
