She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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