He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
