here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I've blown a few things in my day
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
