found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
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Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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