Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
