i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
