He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
