The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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