My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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