K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
