She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
