i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
