he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I want her autograph on my taint
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
