I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
