I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
