My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
