my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
