Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
