GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
