Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
