I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
