Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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