The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
