my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
