guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
