Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This gyro tastes like lonliness
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
did you just send me my own nude
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
