is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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