kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
