Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
