If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
