Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
