so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sober January is a disaster.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
