theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize