He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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