Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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