I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
