If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
