Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
