i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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