Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Mom said you looked used
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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