last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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