Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
