I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
