I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
