WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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