I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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