3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
