please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
