Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
