i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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