just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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