using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
