I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
