i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
