Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
