**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
