i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
