these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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